You click order now, then shout “Where’s my package?”
You placed the order yesterday—somehow that’s my wreckage.
You whisper urgent like a magic plea,
But gremlins don’t do miracles, we just sip our tea.
Your failure to plan
Ain’t my urgency,
I'm not a wizard,
No matter what the fee.
“Overnight it to me!”
Oh really? How sweet!
You want snowflakes on 400 cards this week?
We don’t keep spares of your
Extremely personalized flair—
Shocking, I know, how rude of us,
Not hoarding cards with your cousin Claire.
You typed your name wrong—twice—then blame the elves,
We gremlins just cackle while you fight with yourselves.
You needed it yesterday, well join the queue—
We’ll add it to the list of “not our fault, but sure, thank you.”
You clicked too slow,
Deadline said “no,”
We’re fast, but we don’t time-travel (yet) though.
“Overnight it to me!”
Oh darling, that’s bold—
The ink’s still drying and the foil’s still cold.
We don’t have backups of
Your masterpiece design—
Apparently gremlins should’ve known
You’d need it all last night.
Rush order! Lost order!
Gremlins chewing on the corners!
Batteries missing, tape’s gone too—
Somehow that’s our fault, according to you!
We’ll fix what we can, but listen pal:
We’re gremlins, not your shipping fairy god-gal.
“Overnight it to me!”
Sure, leave it with fate—
We’ll fling it to the moon and hope it arrives not late.
But until then, friend, remember this truth:
Your last-minute panic
Is not gremlin-proof!