The gremlins have trainers, they smell really gross
Donuts for breakfast not avocado toast
“No reps, no planks, don’t count my steps,”
But hanging from lights keeps stamina prepped.
Albert’s on telly, nutrition is funky,
Mocking the veg while he eats something junky
The gremlins are aware, oh they know the score,
They spot personal trainers and bolt for the door.
“Less sugar, More greens?!” they scoff with a grin,
While shoving crisps in like a ginormous bin.
“Portion control?” he laughs through a chew,
Greta’s got earbuds—they're unused, still new.
They reckon they’ve cracked it, a much better job:
Cause chaos all day so you won’t be a slob.
Sweeping is cardio, lifting is stress,
Scrubbing away all the lunatics mess.
The gremlins aren’t thin from eating the right things,
It’s havoc and mayhem and chandelier swings.
Naughtiness keeps you healthy and fit—
It’s way more fun to cause chaos than do nowt but sit
George’s on pod casts he swears aren’t advice,
“Found it on YouTube, so it must be nice.”
Maude says, “We’ve cracked fitness, forget the regime—
We cause such chaos you’ll never stay clean.”
Mopping is exercise, panic is HIIT
You’ll hit 10K just chasing their sh**
Shelves hit the floor, cups fly in a mess,
You’re lunging and lifting, scrubbing the stress.
Walking is cool, 'less you’re a lazy git,
Who’d rather just lounge, scroll, snack, and sit.
Read, sass, recline, ignore every class—
'Til your trainer yells, “Oi! Off your ass.”
Albert won’t stop, he’s a menace, a pain,
Counts all your paces or tattles to Brain.
He tempts you with cookies, then yells “Now Race!”
Laughing while crumbs fly all over the place.
They’re not lean from salads or sensible things,
It’s havoc, destruction, chandelier swings.
Gremlin law states—remember this bit:
Cause chaos, stay healthy, and don't ever sit.