Is your Pinterest board a masterpiece of festive baking dreams?
Have you saved four hundred recipes for cookies, tarts and creams?
Do you have a stack of cookbooks never opened just for show?
Or do you sprinkle nutmeg liberally and add stuff as you go?
Flour on the ceiling, milk escaped the bowl
Someone's interpretation of "helping" took its toll
God or gremlin? Who's baking today?
Are your cookies cooling perfectly or did flour get in the way?
Did you pipe the icing steady, did the gingerbread stand tall?
Or did someone scream
IT'S SCIENCE
and that explained it all?
God or gremlin? Either way we're here—
The kitchen is a battlefield this time of year
Someone made a blob — don't laugh, the blob is great
Chewy in the middle, crispy edge, perfection - I can’t wait!
Allan bought a tube of dough and called it close enough
Ate it before it reached the oven — he’s looking a bit rough.
Bob made Optimus Prime three feet tall out of ginger snaps and brute force
The rest made a candy coated house, the cake is shaped like a horse.
[Pre-Chorus]
The whiskey pudding's fed and resting, covered, dark and warm
Someone's been feeding it since August, riding out the storm
[Chorus]
God or gremlin? Who's baking today?
Are your edges sharp and perfect or delightfully astray?
Did the gingerbread house survive or get dismantled into Spock?
God or gremlin? Check the kitchen clock—
How long have you been in here and why won't the door unlock?
It doesn't have to be perfect
It doesn't have to be neat
Bought or made or abstract
It just has to be sweet
Whether yours came from a packet
Or you've been up since four
God or gremlin in the kitchen—
We're not keeping score
God or gremlin? The results are in
Burnt or beautiful, bought or homemade — still a win
It's not what the Pinterest board promised that day
But it's here and it's yours
And the gremlins are fed
And that's enough anyway
Next time maybe cereal
...although…yeahhh… probably not.
Now, come and get the treats we made,
be careful, they’re still hot!