Day one was magical, whimsy, delight
He sat on the mantle, behaved through the night
Day two I woke up and there he was… gone
Found him zip-tied to the bannister at half past one
I did not sign up for this level of lore
Why is he blogging? Why is there more?
God or gremlin? Who's running this elf?
Did I adopt magic or sabotage myself?
Did he just move… or is this a cry for help?
It's day two—
And I've already lost to the elf
December arrived and the elf was… not found
Somewhere in a box in a pile on the ground
House move chaos, no time for the shelf
So the gremlins stepped in — they'd do it themselves
They staged the photos, they entered the contest
Turned up to the office and gave it their best
The judges convened and the verdict was clear—
The gremlins had won Elf on the Shelf of the year
I did not plan this, it wasn't the goal
But chaos finds a way when you've misplaced control
God or gremlin? Who's running this elf?
Did I adopt magic or sabotage myself?
Did he just move… or is this a cry for help?
It's day two—
And I've already lost to the elf
The elf has a blog now
The gremlins have three
Nobody asked for this
Least of all me
But here we are in December
Somehow thriving in spite—
Of the elf on the shelf
Who's been missing since last night
God or gremlin? Both showed up this year
One's in a box somewhere, one's drinking my beer
The contest is over, the gremlins have won
And honestly?
That's probably how it was always going to be done
They really are quite something, we hope they bring a smile
Cos if they do then all the effort really is worth while