A little glass of something bright to keep the blues away
Poured it slow like ritual, a flicker and a flame
Said “this is basically a salad” —
“Not quite”, I say
“that is insane”.
They read it in a pamphlet (they might have written it themselves)
A breakthrough in nutrition from the top-most of the shelves
All natural, botanical, a vibrant shade of green
If it glows a little ominous, that’s just what “fresh” can mean
Absinthe is not a food group
(they strongly disagree)
The fact it’s green makes total sense
Not all greens are leafy
Liquorice and fennel, wormwood in a swirl
Pairs well with poor decisions and existential hurl
Drip it through a sugar cube, watch it bloom and spread
If it looks a bit enchanted — that’s a plus, they said
There’s anise in the air and a licorice bite
Sugar cube trembling on a spoon in the light
Drip drip water, clouds rolling through
Like a potion they probably shouldn’t chug like they do
Absinthe is not a food group
I don’t know who told them that
I don’t care if it’s green — that doesn’t make it healthy
[spoken] Put the glass down, step away from that
Notes of fennel, wormwood, sharp and sweetness all collide
They’re dunking biscuits in it like it’s tea time, declaring “dignified!”
They say it’s basically a smoothie if you tilt your head and squint a bit
And ignore the complication where it might be… not legit
Absinthe is not a food group
This is not a balanced plan
We can’t live on myths and mystery
And whatever the hell that glowing thing is in their hands
“Why is it glowing?” — you might ask
(as if I would know)
Like I’m some kind of wizard for this late-night lunatic show
Absinthe is not a food group
I don’t know who told them that
I don’t care if it’s green — that doesn’t make it healthy
Put the glass down, step away from that
I didn’t even drink any, why am I seeing double?
Now they’re blaming me like I’m the source of all the trouble
Side effects include: opinions, echoes, mild despair
And thinking quite convinced that you alone invented chairs
Absinthe is not a food group
This is not a balanced plan
You can’t live on myths and mystery
And whatever the glowing thing is in your hand
They set up a whole tasting panel like it’s cuisine
Calling it “a course” — again, I repeat:
IT’S NOT A GREEN
Not a veg, not a grain, not a protein in disguise
Just a fast track ticket to some questionable “whys?”
Slow drip ritual, sugar melting down
Glass goes cloudy as the world spins ‘round
Serving suggestion: maybe just… refrain?
But you already did — so here we are. You are a pain.
Absinthe is not a food group
Put it somewhere out the way
Next time you invent a diet
Maybe run it past me first… okay?
They raise the glasses like they’ve cracked the code
I grab the snacks and biscuits they clearly feel they’re owed
Absinthe is not a food group
(You’re just afraid of change)
It’s herbs and vibes and mystery
And glowing slightly strange
Serving suggestion: glass, or bowl, or shoe
We’re not here to judge the vessel, that part’s up to you
Notes of spice and chaos, finish: burning bright
Pairs with shouting nonsense deep into the night
“Why is it glowing?” — that’s a premium feature,
Earl introduces himself to a pot plant, and says “it’s nice to meet ya!”
We built nutrition pyramids — it’s just this at the base
No, that’s not what I meant — (Too late, it’s canon now)
Absinthe is not a food group
(Gremlins reject my claim)
My protests fall on determined ears
(I’m playing a losing game)
Absinthe is not a food group
(Then what have we become?)
If this is wrong then why’s it working?
Oh no.
Oh no it’s not.
It’s not.
Absinthe is not a food group
Let’s establish that again
I don’t care if it’s green — I’ve said this 53 times
This is where my patience ends
HUTCH! PUT THAT DOWN!
They raise a glass to bad ideas
That they’ve fermented over years
If wisdom comes from what we learn
Then this is… deeply concerning.
Absinthe is still not a food group.